Movie Review: Interstellar

Interstellar.

AKA:  “Pretentious Doctor Who”

A couple of weeks ago (more like month and a half :P )I went to see “Interstellar” and before that I heard a lot of people saying that it was great and that the story and the physics, and there is when I lose all hope for that movie because when regular people praise the physics in a movie that means that the movie took an actual concept of physics and dumb it down to get to the audience, so the audience can feel super smart, when actually they are watching something more like fantasy than real science.

Then I heard that they had hired actual physicists to help with everything as consultants so what could be wrong, besides everything else? So with my hopes somewhere low for this movie I went into the darkness of a theatre.

I’ll say it plain and simple for all of you, this movie is boring, and don’t start that is because I don’t get physics because I do, I come from a family where physics was a really important part of our education, and I know enough to see beyond the pretentious veil of this movie.

The plot is void, if I could call that a plot, the earth has no need for engineers (by some reason) but the world needs farmers (I don’t know why because robots do all the work now) I mean they don’t tell you that they need biologists or genetic engineers, or chemical scientists to help develop better crops. No we need trained monkeys to put gas on robots (that I’m pretty sure robots can do that too)

So the initial scenario of the movie is exactly the same as the one in the movie of “Lost in Space” (when you take part of the script from a movie like that you are in deep trouble) earth can’t sustain us much longer and we need to jump to a new planet, but here we have a dust apocalypse that is even more boring than it sounds.

Then our leader discovers that the humans want to send an space ship in search for other planets that has been monitored by other ships that they sent already and they need him, but they didn’t called him he just arrived because or reasons. I mean he is the best pilot, they wanted him and they didn’t even bother to give it a look in the phonebook? Then he jumps into the stars, through the time vortex of Doctor Who and go to planets less diverse than the ones you could get on a cheap sci fi story, we have the planet of the giant wave, and the planet of stone hills, and the planet that looks like “we just went out the set and shoot that last planet”

 

This planet looks a lot like that empty lot behind the studio.

Without getting in dissecting the whole movie there are a lot of problems with the story, first takes forever in getting to the space stuff, seriously is like an hour of getting to know characters as boring as the dust apocalypse, and that you don’t give a rat’s ass after they leave the scene, the most interesting character in the movie is the robot and I started to think that is just the most interesting because it didn’t had enough time to fuck his character up.

They say quantum physics a lot in the movie, like trying to say “I’m smart” like a child when it tells you “I learned on school” the effects are super dull, I have seen movies from 90s that look better than this, I mean an article says that they used actual calculations to see how a worm hole would look like, well all that money through the drain because it looks exactly like the intro of Doctor Who (the intro with David Tenant)

When they enter on their emotional/philosophical discussions are just another nail in the coffin because it has been very boring for a time now, and of course someone has to go nuts and murdery on everybody else because of space craziness. By some reason is forbidden now to have fun on space not even when they have months on a space ship to kill, seriously the only one having fun is the robot, that’s what makes him the best character.

The lack of imagination on the planets is almost painful, is very selfish to think that ours is the only diverse planet in the universe, but here all the planets are just one trait.

At the end when Matthew McConaughey is on her daughter’s bookshelf with the time compressed is the exact episode of doctor who where a space ship is looking at Madame of Pompadour.

Some people complained about Marco Polo costing 90 million dollars, well this one was way more expensive, and shoot on a green screen most of it or in a farm, every set was cheap and some even looked recycled, the effects also looked cheap, looked the same as the one of the Star Trek movie, the first one, the robot even being my favorite character is just a cube with a screen, that wasn’t expensive at all. So, where all the money went?

The audio throws you to boredom faster, because outside the spaceship there is none, no music, no audio, nothing. And some might say “In space there is no sound because there is no gas” well this was a movie genius, you can put music on it. The camera angles are super boring too because they wanted to make it look like actual footage from actual space shuttle, which is good and nice until you realize that all movie is like that.

The movie is boring, the plot almost none existent, the characters super forgettable, and I can’t think on one line of dialog that will pass to history, I mean this movie isn’t worthy of the cost of the ticket on cheap Tuesday.

Seriously, the black hole looks like the intro of Doctor Who, just look at it!

 Don’t get me wrong the movie is not super awful, it has some interesting points and one or two characters are not the worst, but it is a movie that needed more editing, working more on the script and try to get out of the preconceptions, and formulaic stuff, Because lots of the points on the story have been in Doctor Who, and that is a show for children.

These are the only two good characters in the movie Tars and Case

What I’m saying is that this movie could have been better with less pretentious stuff and more actual screen writing.