Wake up is hard.

Sleeping is easy, even if I’m not tired I can fall sleep, and when I can’t sleep anymore I don’t want to wake up and try to sleep more, even if my body hurts from laying on my bed I don’t want to face the death in life that my daily routine has become.

I’m not tired but I want to sleep all day, I have all my strength but I don’t want to move at all, food has lost is taste and games its appeal, is not that I’m becoming a boring adult, is that I just lost my view on the world.

Every day is the same; wake up, sit in the living room, eat something and go back to bed. I lost my will to go out because my brother always want to come along but he wakes up at noon and doesn’t want to move but if I want to do something he tells me to do it the next day, and the next day he doesn’t say anything and I don’t want to go out at all so we stay watching the same TV shows on reruns or old movies.

Is hard to start to write something my head just wanders and I end doing nothing. Inside my mind there are a million stories original, fixes to other peoples and fan fics and I want to do them all but I can’t decide to take something and start to write.

Nobody talks to me or with me, I have an sporadic visit on FB from friends which I’m grateful for but most of the time I can’t say anything because I haven’t done anything. The person that was supposed to be the one with al talk the most, my brother, now is more self-absorbed on his smart phone talking to other people, he tries to keep a conversation with me but is only 30% of his attention, and when he decides that he wants to talk with me I’m going to bed.

My friends are all out of the city, country, continent and even so, there is nobody there to bounce ideas, and even if there was someone I’m so feed up that most likely I’ll not answer.

I’m trying to get out on the mornings on the bike ride around the city, literally around the city, is 2 hours and 15 minutes, to keep the energy flowing demanding my brain to do something and it worked for the first 5 days, my body hurt all over but I get home and did more stuff, clean and cook but the sixth day I decided to rest and by noon I was regretting that decision I felt bad again and even had the faint feeling of crying, you know a knot on the throat.

I think I have to keep on moving now there will be no rest, no day that I don’t go out, and I’ll hope I can get enough energy to start writing and get all this stories out of my head.

Sleeping is easy…