Movie Review Gravity

Gravity

(AKA: Pretty visuals so you don’t notice the lack of story)

I just can imagine how this movie looks in imax 3d, I mean this movie was made for the big screen, watching it on the TV is pretty but you don’t get the immersion that should have. But after saying this lets go to the real review because a movie is not great just because it looks pretty. If that were the case Pacific Rim should be nominated :P

Almost forget, spoilers, but there are not much to spoil, the script is basically the beat sheet (is the skeleton of a story).

Well the story is about a group of astronauts that have to fix a satellite (Piece of equipment that is in orbit around the earth) but something goes wrong with the destruction of a satellite and now they have to get back to earth. That’s it nothing more, yes you have some development of the characters, because they have to rely on that, there is nothing else going on, but the characters are likeable, I mean, they are George Clooney and Sandra Bullock to people that could never be Bond villains because they are so likeable, so they are in their rolls of themselves in space, and nothing else.

The movie has like some Mexican films back in the beginning of the 2000’s of giving some data that will be important for the story, here is space, yes info about space, that there is no sound, but if they wanted to make it some kind of realistic they kind of fail, because you can hear the voices stronger the closer they are to the screen, and there are some sounds when they are fixing stuff, but the big sound they didn’t put them, or did they? Well if you have study sound engineering or foley, you would know that the way the used the music in this movie is called “Mickey Mouse” and is a kind of original score where the music works as the sounds of everything, if you didn’t notice I invite you to watch it again when is on TV and look for the music in perfect synchrony with what is happening, just like in the old cartoons where the music made the footsteps and the punches.

Other thing is that we can hear Sandra Bullock when she is screaming in the pot, and is supposed that we are outside, where in the beginning they told us that there was no sound.

One thing I hate was the “Wall-e” moment, quoting here a friend (Rebeca) “Are you fucking kidding me!” really you thought that nobody would get that, let’s use one of the most memorable scenes from one of the most memorable movies of space, I mean, I’ll have done the same, but I watched the movie, and I think was great in Wall-e, but here? Here feels just like a rip off.

The main problem with space is that there is nothing there, and I mean nothing, so there are no problems, no big evil to conquer, no great peril for our main character, no new comers (because is freaking expensive send someone there) so, you feel like there could be something else, something beside the main problem, but no, there is only the problem of the beginning and they quest is a straight line until the end.

When I watched this movie I felt that was the fastest of the bunch, and Oh surprise, is the shortest, and that’s good I mean if you don’t have enough story to fill 2 hours don’t make a 2 hours movie, don’t pad it with wide silent shots, just let the length of the story guide you.

Also pretty much the trailer has all the good scenes the rest as I said is more character development.

Well this movie is a big meh, if you don’t take the visuals at consideration, pretty to watch but so simple that everybody will get it, and is not as long as the rest of the Oscar nominated so you can watch it and don’t feel like you lost half of your life.

*** 3 stars (watch it or not, there is not big difference, but if somebody is willing to pay you the ticket for the theatre take it! As I said, this movie is visuals for the theatre)

Movie Review Philomena

Philomena

When the academy started to consider hallmark movies for best picture?

Don’t get me wrong, I liked this one, but the point is that it doesn’t feel like the absolutely best picture of the year, it feels like a TV movie that I watched a Saturday afternoon because I got hooked, not even because I wanted to watch it.

The story is fine (At least this one keeps the plot moving and there are no dead space) if there is a quiet time is to think and see a little growth in the characters, also the characters are well made, they have to this story is based on a real story, wait, aren’t almost all of the movies this year? Anyway, this movie is kind of easy going and not pretentious.

But my point here is that this one is a “Human Interest Story” like they point in the movie those are not very interesting, and those kinds of movies almost all the time end as TV movies, which I like from time to time, I mean not always need to be werewolves riding sharks so they can save Atlantis (Wait! Idea, I call it!!) but for best picture of the year? Come on, I’m sure there where something better.

Also what was the deal with nuns? I mean, why do they still around? Every movie where they are they are horrible people, and this is not a spoiler, this happens in the first act of the movie.

The characters are well made, and they can switch from drama to comedy in a second, without being silly or over the top, they are very human very real. And is that very essence and that switch between emotions that avoid made this movie tired, because is not always comedy or always drama so you have a rest from all that.

The only think I really hated of this movie was the poster, god! What’s with that horrible yellow color?

So if you what to see it is fine just I don’t think is the theatre ticket price worth, I mean you’ll watch people talking that’s it, and the theatre you enjoy what you can see.

*** 3 stars (You can watch it, is fine)

Movie review Captain Phillips

Captain Phillips

(AKA: I wait 2 hours to see what happen)

OK I think that nobody is going to defend this movie, starting by the part that even the crew said that “It didn’t happen like that” so we can rely that lots of this events where made up.

So what do we do if we have a real life story that involves at least a machinegun? We call the director of Bourne!! Of course, that’s so simple, almost as simple as the story, I’m not complaining this one is actually OK, not to be considerate as Best Picture Of the Year, but you could watch it (Damn, the standards are really low now in the academy, because if a movie is watchable is nominated)

As always, I don’t know if there will be any spoilers, because I’m writing from the top of my head so, better safe than sorry.

But what can I say? The movie is OK but kind of long, in the last part you only want it to be over, is not that the acting were bad, or the plot to confusing, actually the plot is so straight forward that you might think that is the first draft of a film student, because there are only one point of view, one problem at the time, one thing to do, the rest that is happening is just background.

Is a simple movie for simple minds, and as I was saying at the end I was just waiting for the seals to save the day, because if you watched the review in the news, I followed the story on “The Daily Show”, by the way, where was the rubber ducky that was in the dramatization they made? Well you can win them all :P

Also there are lots of dead parts, nothing keeps you stuck to your sit, you can watch, then go to the washroom and comeback, because is almost sure you will not miss anything important.

Well final point, this movie can be watched and only turned a little tired at the end because you know what is going to happen so you don’t fear for the guy, and know who is going to die, I mean that’s the problem with real life, there is no suspense.

*** 3 stars (You can watch it, if there is nothing else)

Movie Review The Wolf Of Wall Street

 

The Wolf Of Wall Street

(AKA: Who needs actual events when you have lots of boobs?)

I know it took me a while to write this but put yourself in my place, I didn’t wanted to make it just an angry rant (that it might ended being) but I wanted to use actual facts of this movie, actual things of storytelling, film making, script writing, adaptation and character development. Why so much of all that stuff? Because this movie is so poorly made that if I only focus on the movie it will be like 2 short paragraphs about the lack of story and that is way too similar to “Good Fellas”.

Well without anything else to warn you here it is, also SPOILERS but you know that by now :P

Well first of all I want all of you to notice the poster that I used, I tried to keep it classy because almost all the posters of this movie have are inappropriate to be displayed in a movie theatre, I mean there are children there, you advertise this thing just beside “Frozen” for God’s sake! But also let’s be realistic if you use this poster people could have though that this was an actual movie based on actual events, and not just 3 hours of nothing, nudity and yelling. Also notice the horrible yellow color of it, I mean if you wanted to look like a wall street light billboard you could make it black background and the numbers green and red with the name of the movie in white (You are in serious trouble when I’m giving you design advise).

This movie tells (or at least this is what they want you to believe) the story of Jordan Belfort, how he started, became a millionaire, lost everything and ended in jail, but as a satire, or at least that is what Scorsese tells himself and to the press, and a lot of people believe it. But this movie fails in everything. I mean how a movie with that amount of boobs and even a monkey can be so boring? I tell you how, doing the same over and over and over again without giving you the minimal story what so ever.

The movie begins with DiCaprio (Or whatever you spell it) getting in the business of selling stocks to people, he starts as assistant for like 2 minutes or less and then he is one of the important after lots of time learning the business (but we don’t need to know all of that) he loses that job, but immediately finds another one and he is the best in what he does the moment he sits there because of all that he learned from the time he spend working as an assistant (The part that we didn’t watch, remember?) and now he is a millionaire and then the movie ends.

The problem in this movie is that we don’t see how he learned, why he became greedy (at the beginning he is noble and nice, when was that switch?) We never got that inside view of his life or his work, not even that the movie talks down to the audience, like if Wall street were the most difficult job ever, but when it gives the small explanation about what they were doing I got it perfectly, and I haven’t got any interest in economy in my life. But that was the way of the screenwriter to focus more in the plot and character development, right? NO! They just cut to more hookers and drugs, is the only this movie has.

The characters are like themselves since the minute 8 of the movie until the end, the story has no progression in any direction, it has nothing. And if someone tries to bring the “It’s a satire” thing, let me tell you something about Satire, is still a movie, still a story, it needs character arcs, or at least evolution, things that happen, relate or antagonize, more than one straight line towards nonsense nudity and drugs. I mean they had a book of actual events, and they didn’t use it! Because as the great Scorsese said “I wanted to make a movie about execs”, so why took somebody’s life story and change it to make it just a lot of naked people doing drugs? Just make your own movie about it and don’t give any credit to anyone, I mean this guy already have his legion of fan boys that will defend every horrible movie he makes.

I have heard some actual facts about the real Jordan Belfort and sounds way better than the movie, and in some way more excess than it looks in the movie, why well because the problem with a movie like this is that they don’t give you a comparison point, if everything is whores and drugs, the audience gets desensitized in less than 5 minutes, and then where do you go from there? You have to be even more outrageous or calm down for a while, but the movie just keep the same rhythm and that is what it make is awful and impossible to watch, and it keeps like that forever.

I mean Satire, Parody, Farce, Cartoon, Comedy in general, all need a story, a guide line, if it not why jack ass wasn’t nominated for best picture? I mean it has almost the same amount of swearing and naked people, but by some reason Jackass makes more sense that this one.

So in just to short, this movie is not boring, is a dead sentence to you, is painful and an insult to the viewer, also way too long, not worthy of the film where is printed, just avoid it at all cause.

0, Zero, non-stars, Nada, (And that is because I’m figuring out a way to grade it lower, so don’t watch it, and shake your fists at Scorsese every time you see him)

Also I expanded a little more in a friend's blog at world's press, just check the comments on his note of this movie, I'm the longest :P he is Samuel