The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

AKA: We only had a few ideas that could not possible support a full movie.

OR

We are already famous so people will watch it and will like it.

I want to start that I like westerns, actually I love them. My first TV series I’m developing is heavy handed on the western vibe, with that say, here my opinion.

I refuse to call this a movie, hell! I refuse to call it a series of short films. It has 2 short films at most and the rest are a few of skits that have no heads or tails and just happen, is like take a rhyme and just shot at verbatim what is said “Early bird gets the worm” and just put on the screen a bird getting a worm, boom here is your movie. NO! That is not a movie, you need, character development, something to happen, evolution on story, escalation or de-escalation, even for a short film you have to tell a story, simple but a story. This thing has nothing at all, only with the 2 stories that you can get a little with the characters because are longer stories and have a shit ton of exposition. And that is something extra, they rely a lot on exposition, because they don’t know how to make the audience to know about the characters and situations they just tell you. But of course if you like to waste time on songs we have time for that, they do not work for the plot or character development but you have the full song want it or not.

Well I’ll separate it on the different skits and tell you why each of them are boring and should stay on someone’s head instead to get to paper and after that on a screen.

Also Spoilers, but the stories are so plain and one directional that you can consider this spoilers.

1-The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

It is the one that starts, is supposed to give you the setup, the idea, the feeling of it. Starts with a fairly long song about nothing two bits on cantinas to show that guy is the best and a duel which he loses, that’s it. It has no deep, characters or direction, the guy arrives, is the best and dies, the end. I just could think on a dumb phrase “You are the best until you are not” and you think OK will be something short about the characters but will move from one to the other, but no, just happen and move on to a different story completely unrelated and on a different rhythm. After each story you could hear something like “Well that happen” and that’s it.

2-Near Algodones

The idea behind this to me was “I want someone with a pot on his head” I mean starts with a bank robbery, the clerk has a shotgun and armors himself with pots and pans, the robber is going to get hung but manage to break free and is captured again so is hanged, the end. That was it, you don’t get to know the characters, motivations, anything to resembles an ark is way beyond the writing levels of the person who made this one. When I saw the memes with the “First time” joke I thought “This is going to be a recurring thing, will be between stories and every time he will break free until the end” but no, I was expecting way too much from this one. He just died on the second try.

3-Meal Ticket

OK, someone told me this one was the saddest story they saw in a long time, but I hated the guy after the second time he said his speech, I knew he was going to die at the end and I could not wait to see that happen, but I thought that it was going to be even more dramatic that Liam Neeson was going to be 100% committed to the guy and one night he was going to drop dead out of the blue and the other guy was going to be sitting in the middle of the woods and realize he could not survive the night without his partner, and the shot going out along with the flame dying. But no, they waste a good chunk of reel with that guy only saying the same words over and over until Neeson realizes there are easier cheaper ways to earn the beans than carry that guy around, so he does what I wanted to do for almost the whole story. Here no one is relatable, one has no personality more than “Has no limbs” the other, nothing, and that we have to give it to the writer and director because is difficult to get nothing out of Liam Neeson. This story is boring to the point that is almost unbearable, I don’t get why people like it, is an easy tearjerker and most people fell for it, because there is a guy with no arms or legs.

4-All Gold Canyon

This story is a simple one, a prospector looking for gold. Not much to explain, and it would be an OK story, I don’t need several characters or anything, he quest was to get gold, they could have made it just him looking for the gold and that’s it, it would be OK but no, they had to pot a twist. One guy waited for him to get the gold and shoot him on the back. To this point I was waiting that to happen in that exact moment, because the whole line of stories where, something happen, something crappy happen, the end. Well not surprises here, he gets shot but survives and gets the gold. If you wanted to put a difficulty set a cave in, a storm, a cougar or bear, something that would have been more related with being alone in the wild, more than a guy that was keeping an eye for all that time and the prospector not even realizing.

5-The Gal Who Got Rattled

This one is the more similar to a full story, but then again it has a shit ton of exposition, there is no a single moment of silence, almost every frame is set with dialog for exposition for character development, or plot related, because of that you can get to know the characters and the situation, but then again, you can foresee the ending to every conversation and situation as clear as day. But all considerate this is more developed story. Yes I was expecting that ending since the moment they say “The Indians don’t attack us”. Also the bit of the kid walking backwards was useless, pointless and made only to set it on the trailer.

6-The Mortal Remains

I haven’t seen anyone staying that this is a rip-off from “The Hateful Eight” (Movie that I haven’t finish because is not a western, is boring and very poorly executed, but that is for a different review). You have the carriage with unlikely travelers, the more unlikely to be traveling on a carriage was the trapper, who I suppose should have his own horse, mule, ox and wagon to take the skins and other goods to town, a person like him will be more likely to go by himself to different towns and may be not staying in luxury hotels but more like the inn on top of the saloon. This piece has 2 whole songs and a couple of dialogs on heavy on the Tarantino side, where the dialog is there to get into the mind of the characters but, why do we need that, if the characters will be gone in 2 minutes and will be over. Well like in Hateful 8 we got bounty hunters with their captured guy, by some reason everybody are afraid of them the end. The only reason I can think is that all of them had a bounty on their heads and didn’t want them to know, but that would be if the writer would have some talent or imagination, or wanted to make a full story. Then again nothing happens and just filler dialog for something that has no pay off.

The movie has very good actors totally wasted, beautiful scenery, and good budget on the art department, but this shows that no matter how good the actors are, your locations how majestic, and how much effort the art department puts in, if you have a bad script or something that you just write on a napkin because you thought was a good idea but never worked on it there will be no way to save it.

In my opinion you can see it but jump parts watch:

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs light heartedly to remember the Bugs Bunny cartoons of the old days.

Near Algodones, to see a quick joke that extends itself and is not funny

Meal Ticket if you like the noon Mexican telenovelas and cry when the maid gets proposed by the rich guy

All Gold Canyon to see tips and tricks from a prospector/Crazy old man

The Gal Who Got Rattled if you like over exposition on a medium to good story

The Mortal Remains if you liked the intro from Hateful Eight

After all to me it goes All Gold Canyon and The Gal Who Got Rattled are OK, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is mediocre, the other 3 should have not existed

So getting three zeros, a three and two fours gets a punctuation of 1.8 stars, but because it is supposed to be a movie it gets a 1 star rating which means, not worthy of your time.

Hello, somebody still there?

Long time no see, is being more than a year since I wrote here and was a very sad and depressing open letter to the girl I love (I still love her leave me alone, what do you care?)

Well I have been watching a ton of bad series and movies lately and I asked myself “what has changed?”

The answer was there on plain sight:

Is being a long time since last I did something review related!

So hold to your new favorites like it were your baby in the middle of a hurricane and prepare your pitchforks and torches because I’ll go on reviews again, it will be brutal and no hold barred, and yes, I don’t share your opinion most of the time.

What I feel

Disclaimer: This post was written on various different dates, so you might notice the difference between one paragraph and the other in tone, choice of words, but the person I’m talking about is the same and is just an evolution of my emotions towards her.

Perspective is something amazing, you can live every day like they are the same, and time goes by like a gray blur. But one day comes something that to your mind changes everything, the moment when it happens is like the clock started running again, the colours come back and you are aware of it. Everything remains the same but to you that change on perspective meant everything. Then the moment pass and you can't go back to not care, to that gray blur, you already saw the light and now the reality feels like it needs something else.

It can be anything from a world changing event to something so simple as taco Tuesday a person that light up your life or a new episode of a TV show. Perspective will always add that little extra to your life.

I use to live in that gray blur, I use to wake up every morning and think of suicide. I actually look for 2 or 3 minutes to that single shotgun shell I have beside my bed and look back at my shotgun, only one thought on the back of my mind always told me “let’s leave it for tomorrow” and I’ll go on, but also every time I stood beside traffic I remember thinking in just dropping in front of a bus or on the tracks of the subway and just think, it would be so simple. But never did because I use to think on I could not leave my little brother alone. And yes he is an adult, yes he has taken care of me more times than I could have paid for his food but in some weird way I thought that I might be needed for something.

That was my life wake up, hate my life, work, back to bed. It was horrible but at least monotony had some kind of comfort, because everything was constant and the pain was the same, keeping it without going further, but then you came in, you appear out of nowhere, at first it was something simple, an assignment, a work thing, by the way, did I ever mention to you that I had I deal with Mireles, once I said to him “If you ever are going to get me a shadow (Someone to sidejack me) make it a pretty girl” it might sound horrible misogynistic but as always it was a joke, but he took it for real and you came in there you where, beautiful in every way, I had to leave but I wanted to stay with you, but the SUP had told me that I could not make over time because of my poor results so I had to leave, but I liked you from the beginning. Most people don’t even look at me after that, but you kept coming back; to say hi, to eat with me, to read with me, to talk with me. After that my life was not the same, that gray blur started to be defined, it had colour, light and shadow and my days no longer started with me staring at that shotgun shell. I thought in how your laugh pick up my spirit, how your hi made my day, and your smile brighten the whole place. But where there is light is shadow, and that day came, the day I had to be there and you were not. That day was eternal, horrible and even more depressing than before, in that moment is when I realized that you were making my days worthy. Before of that I had a constant movement to check for the time, after you came in my life my constant movement was to look in your direction, might sound creepy but I just wanted to catch a glimpse that’s all, something to cheer me up a little. And if you realized by now you became really important for me.

My mind has start playing with the idea that you might like me, not only like me as a human but, you know, relationship wise. At the begging I thought you were nice to me and that’s it, but then you were with me almost all the time, even once you apologize to me for not eating with me. You know I did not care to eat alone, I appreciate a lot when you are close and talk to me, you even invited me to church, and I’m sure you know I do not go to religious stuff but for you I said yes, I would have gone anywhere you told me to at any time. I even worked on my day off, just to be able to be close to you, I mean I can be part werewolf part hunchback of Notre Dame but I can recognize beauty anywhere and you are beautiful, and I always like to have a beautiful woman with me, more if she wants to be there and talk to me. When we chat on the phone, goes more than just some phrases, we talk, you tell me about your life and ask me about mine, is a real conversation, but then again, this might be because you are a nice human not because you like me any other way. Also when we chat you are playful and fun, to the point I don’t know if you are flirting (I’m  very slow and bad for it) but I have gotten to the point when I think that you are, but a part of my mind say “She is not, she is just nice and showing you some friendship” and I don’t want this to go away, you are important in my life and I don’t want to make things different between us. But also I want to be able to hug you and keep you by my side, my mind is all messed up right now and I do not know how to deal with this, the only thing that I have clear is that I want you close to me and that I have a serious crush on you.

The moment I think I finish falling for you was when our SUP set that board on your station, I was about to kill him for doing that to you (Or at least to speak to him) but then I saw you and how you already took it like a chance to prove your abilities and skill, I was amazed by your courage and the power on your words, I just though in that moment that you were perfect, and I still think you are.

After some time I noticed that you stop eating with me, you did not kissed me when say hi any more, damn you don’t say hi to me some times, and barely chatted with me, most likely just to answer when I said something, the first thing I thought was to ask you, to know if I did something wrong, but then I thought that you might have realized I like you and you don’t want to break that illusion so you just try to avoid me so it will pass, also now you go with your friends and eat with them, have more people to talk to on your chat, have a lot of things going on in your life and I understand, but I see now that I might have been mistaken about you being interested in me as anything more than a friend, but after I think that you come back, sit with me, talk to me out of nowhere and we keep a conversation, even I told you about going to church together and you could dodge it easy but you said yes, so every day I’m more uncertain of what should I do, one thing is certain, I can’t get rid of this crush no matter how hard I try, you are locked on my heart.

Not to be pessimistic but right now, I hate my life in general, in 6 hours I'll wake-up to go to work where I'll see a beautiful girl that every day I'm more convinced she wants nothing with me but I can't stop thinking about her, to the point I actually feel sick because my mind say "She is not in to you" but my heart say "go for it" a battle that almost always win my mind until she speaks to me and tells me to go with her anywhere. And in my mind I know that I'll walk by her side no matter any obligations or commitments because even knowing she might not like me that way I'll kill just to be her shield and ensure she is happy and never harmed in any way. But I know she doesn't need me for that, she is strong enough to walk alone and that makes me love her even more. I just want it to stop, I want my world to be grey again, miserable and without expectations, I do not want to be happy when she talks to me, or sad when she is not there, I do not want to feel rage when other guys talk to her or want to run by her side when she needs help. I just want it to stop. When I think she is out of my mind and heart she comes back stronger. Every time I think I'm over this just one word or one look and I fall again. I'll try to go back to my plain boring life for this week, she was not very interested in me last time I think I'll be able to rip it from the root in a couple of days if she continues to be like that and go back to the void. It might be only emptiness but I know it very well.

It has been almost 2 weeks of having almost not contact with you, that helped a little. What really helped was meeting you at church, not exactly going with you but what happened after, it was subtle but even that was the last nail on the coffin that I needed, and you might have not realized but, as I mentioned you before, I have enough experience at being unwanted that I can catch up certain signs, yes I might be slow in general but I got one very clear, I offer you to give you a ride home and you said no, no matter how polite someone is nobody rejects a ride home, unless you know the other person likes you and you do not and don’t want to give any false hopes. I told you before, you are a good person, you worry about other people feelings and that is so rare at this time, it hurt me that rejection, I’ll not lie, one small part of me at that point wished that you said yes and we could continue talking on the way home, maybe even go somewhere else, but as I told you once that is just the mind of a writer, I can create a whole story just from one look, one phrase. But you said no, kind and polite but even so it was a no and the last nail on this coffin, it helped me to try to overcome this and move on. Also the distance that now is between us and you might not noticed but this distance has been growing, you started to spend less time with me, after that was less and less messages, and now you do not contact me at all and just say hi if we cross paths, I’m still grateful for that, as I answer to one of your questions once, yes I only chat to you on aspect and losing that was a hit, but later I sent you a message and you just said it was normal and we are still friends, well I suppose just friends who do not talk to each other very much.

Now my mind and heart are at ease, I got peace, if you wonder why, it was the karate, my mind needed focus to deal with my life, mind and emotions and nothing gets you into focus like someone trying to beat the living shit out of you. And yes the decision of getting into a tournament with no training in almost a year was heavily influenced by trying to get over what I feel for you. At the beginning I was trying to get over this crush but then after everything was said, done and kicked I realized that a crush is not something I get over, I needed to dissect it and rationalize it, I learned that it is something that I’ll live with it all my life and I’ll take everything I like about you and set it in my mind and heart so maybe one day I can find someone with all those qualities, but as I told you is very difficult find someone like you. But now I can move on, you’ll always be a good friend to me and I appreciate you a lot. Also my offer still up, if you need any help just ask me and I’ll do whatever I can to help you. And, as a side note, what I was thinking about during the last fight was that if I got the gold medal that would mean you like me, is silly and stupid but let’s just say that the other guy didn’t deserve that kind of opponent.

The evolution of this emotions has been a rollercoaster, if you think this was a mess think of it like I went through all of this in less than 45 days that’s why I say that I’m like the song of Metal Man: Made of Metal, I fall in love fast and intense but I can also cool down and go back to that void fast.

Good thing at the end, I stopped contemplating suicide every day when I wake up.

And I thought that was the end but after some days you came back and that is not over yet.

I called you “Kitten” to me was a cute nick name, and I thought you didn’t mind but then you told me you didn’t like it and I had to stop, if you thought that offended me of hurt me, you are mistaken, that made me love you even more, I always had said that I do not want a princess in distress, I want a warrior, a Valkyrie. And when you told me not to call you kitten I just remembered on part of a song I like:

Lyrics

Теперь ты в группе риска,

мой загнанный герой
Ты подошел так близко,

я тигр, а не киска
Осталось заманить мне тебя к себе домой

и там убить

Translation

Now you're at risk

My deadbeat hero

You came so close

I am a tigress, not a kitten

It's left that I entice you to go home

And die there

What I want to say is that this just made me think of you telling me that you are not harmless and can defend yourself, actually made me smile, yes it hurt a little because was yet again a new way I saw that you were not interested, but then you came an apologize to me, it was nice and I appreciate it a lot, that moment just made my week you sitting beside me, even for that brief moment.

No matter what, you'll always be my Valkyrie, you are the strongest person I know

I became floor support and after that moment you came back to my days, I did not care I had to leave late, I even liked that because it meant to at least say good bye to you almost every day, see your smile or even hear your voice, and that made the whole day, but as I said before, that also meant that if I miss a glimpse from you that will crumble my day and I tried to get over it but I can’t

 I have been in the US, Canada, England, France, Belgium and across Mexico. I have known women from all over the world from every continent and every race and to me you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You got so deep into my heart that you became part of it and that's why it pains me when you are away.

And not just beautiful in the superficial way, but you are, strong, independent, smart, funny, you have a lot of courage and are very wise. Never let anyone tell you different, I love the way you are, I love the way you face adversity and how you do not need anyone, I just wish I could be with you.

I might look like a Berserk Viking or a rabid wolf, but I’ll be your berserker and brought you the skulls of those who wrong you and I’ll be your rabid wolf who will torn apart anyone who tries to hurt you, just to be by your side.

For the last months my heart had feel like it was tangled in barb wire, and it is not a nice feeling, but after some time I got use to it, as you can imagine if you leave it alone that pain becomes part of you. But yesterday I got some news, to me they were bad. I felt like someone grabbed my heart by the barb wire and rip it out of my chest. I felt sick and lightheaded. The reason is that I will not be able to see the person who light up my days anymore.

So now I feel like there is nothing inside but the person who ripped off my heart was kind enough to leave the barb wire inside so the pain remains.

Now we reach the point where I think is going to be the end, you leaving the work place, the city and I suppose my life, the only thing is that I believe I always take all the wrong choices it doesn’t matter if I follow my heart, my mind of go against every fiber of my being I took the wrong path, and I suppose that you reading this was also a bad choice because you might feel bad and that is not my idea, or you might say that you did liked me and thought I was distant and I didn’t liked you so that’s why you went away. As I said there is no right answer for me.

I thought to say this to you in January but now you are leaving and there is no way for me to say it in person, but I want you to know it. If you need to know one thing about me is that I have to say what I have in my mind and heart, I do not know how are you going to take it but I wanted you to know, I’ll be here if you need me for anything, I’ll do my best no matter where we are or the distance apart you can count with me and I love you.

I'll like to say I give you my heart, but is not mine to give, is already yours